Possum Tale - Possum in the House

At first we did not know exactly where those strange noises in the kitchen  were coming from. We do have a small Maltese dog indoors, but Angel was not even in the kitchen. We also have several kittens who normally come inside and stay overnight to avoid a predator. All seven of the, "Magnificent Seven" kittens were accounted for. Then, we thought maybe a mouse had gotten into the house. However our home's perimeter is guarded by a phalanx of feline defenders, and mice normally to not even make it close to our house.

Finally, I was able to catch a glimpse of the intruder. Somehow, a wayward opossum had managed to sneak into the house and was busy helping himself to some dry cat food in the kitchen cabinet. Suffice it to say that my daughter was not thrilled at the idea of a wild opossum visiting us, inside our home. She has already been startled by one who was walking across the front porch one evening and that experience has left her with little fondness for these marsupials.

My family told me that we had to get the opposum  out of the house and I was in total agreement with them. I decided that the best course of action was to first contain the bugger to his present location, so that when we did come up with a removal plan, we could immediately proceed to removal instead of being mired down in an exhaustive search mission. So, I began with stage one of  the possum removal plan which was containment.

I could not find anything about animal control and opossums around here. All I saw was where they want to come castrate my bulldog or something or have my kittens adopted out. I did not want any of that. I just wanted to get rid of this opposum. I could not find Possum Removers on there and it had to be free. If not, this possum better hope he's right with the Lord.

So, I went searching for my trusty old Smith and Wesson .38 but THEN remembered that some old bastard stole my .38, and then died without a will, a roadmap, or a pawn ticket to his name. Someone suggested that I invite the Turtle Man (from Kentucky) to get the possum out. But then I did NOT know that Mitch McConnell made house calls, but this DOES explain WTF he can’t get ANYTHING done on his OTHER job.

Sunday's sermon was about Daniel and the lion's den so I should have learned enough to make it through this. I've got the sucker contained to a small area, cabinets blocked with two 15-inch P.A. speakers in speaker cabinets which also add weight so he can't chew through the cabinet door, stacks of canned veggies up to the cabinet top prevent any other cabinet doors from opening, he's in the cabinet where some dry dog food was stored. Enough of it was in there and it kept reduced the likelihood of possum panic disorder.

The ending of my possum visitation experience was a natural one albeit NOT a happy one for a wanderin' possum. Seems he sneaked back out the same way he sneaked in but apparently he did not pay close attention to his surroundings. “Left-Eye,” one of my mama cats, and one of the largest females, is raising some kittens, which are about 3 months old, and often sleeps under the house to stay cool. Let’s just say that Mr. Possum did NOT come out too well when he stumbled upon “Ms. Left-Eye” right before sunrise. What surprised me was that she ACTUALLY buried what was left of his body after she finished the fight.

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